The start of a new year often invites reflection on how life is going—and on the changes you’d like to make. These intentions are commonly called New Year’s resolutions. Yet research consistently shows that while many people begin with motivation, around 22 percent abandon their resolutions within the first week, and close to 50 percent by three months.
Rather than concluding that New Year’s resolutions don’t work, I see this a little differently. The desire to set a resolution is a sign that you want to improve your life in meaningful, tangible ways—and that’s both healthy and deeply human. We all need something in our lives that feels worth striving for. The key is not whether we want change, but how we go about creating it.
In my first article for the year, I’d like to introduce you to Vic. Her recent coaching journey offers a gentle and realistic reframe—one that invites us to see change not as something that needs to be fixed, but as a process of personal growth, learning, and capacity-building over time.
Meet Vic
Vic is a woman in her 30s, self-employed in the rural sector. She’s motivated, capable, and deeply committed to doing well—in her work, relationships and within herself. On the outside, life looked settled. Internally, however, Vic was struggling.
When Struggles Begin to Weigh Us Down
Vic’s biggest challenge was her tendency to jump quickly into anger when things went wrong. This was often followed by intense self-criticism. These reactions felt uncontrollable and created a painful cycle: react, feel ashamed, get angry at herself, repeat.
Alongside this, Vic had been experiencing low moods that could last for days at a time and colour her entire day. She described waking up and knowing whether it would be a “bad day” or an “okay day,” with the bad days becoming more frequent. This was taking a toll, and she began struggling to see a way out—especially as her usual coping strategies, such as going for a run or riding her horse, were no longer as helpful as they once had been.
At the same time, there was an opportunity: Vic genuinely wanted to grow. She wanted to respond rather than react, to be more present with her thoughts, and to speak to herself with greater kindness.
Trying to Fix the Problem
Like many people, Vic initially felt she needed to fix the problem. She believed her anger and low mood required a direct, corrective approach—something that would quickly bring her behaviour under control. At one point, she even questioned whether coaching was the right fit, considering an anger management course instead.
This belief reflects a common misconception: that if we’re struggling emotionally, something is “wrong” with us and needs fixing.
Often the real issue is …
The challenge with a fix-it approach is that most of us were never taught the skills we need to work with our thoughts, emotions, and nervous system. We’re taught how to perform at work, how to be productive, and how to solve external problems—but not how to navigate inner experiences when stress, frustration, or low mood arise.
Without these skills, it’s easy to feel hijacked by reactions, stuck in self-judgment, or defeated by recurring emotional patterns.
Coaching shifts the focus …
Through a strengths-based coaching approach, we shifted the focus from “what’s wrong” to “what’s strong.” Together, we identified Vic’s strengths and created a coaching map based on the intentions she clarified she wanted to achieve.
Together we:
- Built emotional awareness, learning to recognise, label and regulate emotions normalising emotional fluctuation
- Practised shifting from reacting to responding by noticing early signs of stress in the body and mind
- Learned to observe thoughts as mental events, rather than facts
- Used small, practical interventions—including journaling—to build awareness and support the changes Vic wanted to make.
Rather than trying to eliminate stress or emotion, Vic began developing the capacity to meet her experiences differently.
Vic’s Personal Growth Journey (In Her Words)
“What has changed for me is not that stress has disappeared, but how I meet it. I’m becoming more aware of the moment my body tightens, my thoughts narrow, or my inner dialogue shifts. Instead of being swept along by that state, I’m learning to pause and choose a different lens.”
“I can now see how my mindset shapes my interactions. Even small moments—like how I greet someone—carry the tone of my internal world. What once felt automatic now feels adjustable.”
“Perhaps most importantly, I’m learning not to carry everything forward. Stressful moments are becoming opportunities for learning rather than evidence that something is wrong.”
“Overall, the shifts I notice in myself are subtle but powerful: I feel more choice, more kinder with myself, and growing confidence that with practice, these new ways of responding are becoming more natural.”
The takeaway
Vic’s journey is a powerful example of how coaching supports personal growth rather than quick fixes. The goal isn’t to remove stress or difficult emotions, but to foster self-awareness and self-compassion, and to build skills, tools, and inner resources that empower choice. From this place, actions and behaviours can align more closely with the person Vic wants to be—so that challenges no longer run the show.
Change doesn’t always look dramatic. Sometimes, it looks like more pause, more kindness, and more confidence in your ability to meet life as it arises.
Curious about Your Own Growth?
If Vic’s story resonates with you, and you’re curious about developing your own skills, awareness, and inner resources, you’re warmly invited to book a chat. This is simply a space to explore what you’re experiencing, what matters to you, and whether a strengths-based coaching approach might support you at this stage of your journey.
Sometimes, growth begins with a conversation.